Let’s say, hypothetically of course, that you’re out on an East Coast shore one Friday for a quick visit (no suits, just out with the family playing in the waves ’cause the water’s a tad cold still). While you’re out freezing your little toesies off, you decide to take a picture because it IS a nice evening and the horizon is gorgeous. You whip out your trusty Blackberry Curve 2 (8500 in your case), snap a shot, and just as you turn to shore…

…your brother in law throws a ball in your direction. On reflex you go to reach with your dominant hand (that just so happens to have your phone) just as it hits you…THE PHONE! And there’s this treacherous ‘plop’ as your phone hits the water and comes precariously close to being carried off by a wave. What do you do?

1.) Use foot to hold phone down, keeping it from being swept away before you can snag it.

2.) Cling tightly to the phone as you cuss, grab the ball, and throw it back at your brother in law, wishing he were close enough for your girlie throw to peg him in the head. Or groin. (>:)

3.) Return to the safety of the shore, dismantle the phone, yank mini card and battery, shove them in your pocket, and proceed to shaking the phone profusely.

4.) Once home, lay to rest and hope for the best.

5.) Survive withdrawal symptoms, fitful sleep, and bad dreams. (Yeah right! LOL)

Saturday:

6.) Try phone again, lay to rest once more with a dejected sigh.

7.) Enjoy the peace of being somewhat unplugged.

8.) Try phone once more, for good measure.

9.) Go about life.

Sunday:

10.) Return to beach, sans phone, have a blast and get totally burned.

11.) Get desperate enough to try a vinegar/water mix to cool the burning.

12.) Leave remaining water for later use.

13.) Make arrangements for sister to be your alarm.

Monday:

14.) Wake, try phone one more time, get mad, throw it and send it ricocheting down the stone hallway.

15.) Laugh as sister picks it up, presses buttons, and says it just cut on.

16.) Lay to rest once more when load completes but nothing else happens. Enjoy the disconnection.

17.) Get curious.

18.) Grab phone, dismantle, smack it soundly (but with care!) on a glass-top table and marvel at all the sand/salt that falls. Continue process for 10 minutes, reassemble phone and check for signs of life.

19.) Sigh once more and resign yourself to filing an insurance claim ASAP.

Tuesday:

20.) Lament more at phone being broken then get even curiouser.

21.) Decide that maybe, just maybe, there’s still salt in phone and that – given insurance covers water damage – it wouldn’t hurt to give it one more bath.

22.) Do a bit of research and discover vinegar can be used to help dissolve salt.

23.) Use leftover vinegar water, immerse phone fully, turn it to and fro to let air escape, and swish around thoroughly.

24.) Set outside, face down, in hot afternoon sun to dry.

25.) Take a nap.

26.) Try phone again, noting that keyboard works but trackpad remains unresponsive.

27.) Return phone to post outside, face down as always, just in case it needs a bit more time to bake.

28.) Try phone one more time, decide on another vinegar bath and pay close attention to the trackpad.

29.) Move phone to new outdoor position where it can leech whatever sunilight is left.

30.) Continue drying under lamp in room until time for kid to go to bed.

31.) Decide, much later, to dry on living room lamp.

32.) Bake inches from heat, turning once, at 60 watts for about an hour before retiring for the night.

Wednesday:

33.) Wake, resume baking on living room lamp while going about morning routine.

34.) Grab phone off lamp, reassemble, and boot.

35.) Hold breath during loading.

36.) Upon successful booting, try trackpad.

37.) REJOICE!

…

Yeah. That was my weekend. And while I might have jokingly referred to this phone of mine as a Crackberry, all I can say is that Blackberry had to infused the circuits with some of the best rocks on this planet! It’s still a little buggy but who knows…maybe that’ll fix itself here pretty soon. And if not, there’s still insurance!

Here ya go:

M, pls rite on tabs & giv 2 ppl.

1. no1 b4 me. srsly.

2. dnt wrshp pix/idols

3. no omg’s

4. no wrk on w/end (sat 4 now; sun l8r)

5. pos ok – ur m&d r cool

6. dnt kill ppl

7. :-X only w/ m8

8. dnt steal

9. dnt lie re: bf

10. dnt ogle ur bf’s m8. or ox. or dnkey. myob.

Check out the rest of Exey’s pictures on Flickr!

This one here, I dedicate to all the LaetBloomerz out there…

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning….Uphill… barefoot… BOTH ways Yadda, yadda, yadda…

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it! But now that I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!! (Think me and Qwembi had a talk about that one.)

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter – with a pen! (Penpals were awesome!)

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there!
Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe! (Ahahahahahah!)

There were no Iphones, Ipods, MP3′ s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! (I used to tape over random BS I found, using the tape on the cassette trick. Heheheh.) There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We’d play our favorite tape and “eject” it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause – that’s how we rolled, dig?

We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that’s it! And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids’. (Rocked with those at the orthodontist when I was in A HEADGEAR!) Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens; it was just one screen… forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! NO REMOTES!!! (Be on the lookout for a video starring Qwembi very, very soon.)

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards! (Amen!)

And we didn’t have microwaves; if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled. You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd

Want more? Go here!